Many few things make their way into my mind to stay there for long. And for a long while I wrote and erased and over analyzed Grumptur whose life was coming to be no big deal for me lately. Maybe a more potential man, took that away from me, but I promised myself not to write about this new found obsession for the sole reason of insulting him. But grumptur, somehow magically has to jump back into my life and vision every now and then and make me realize a few things about myself, like he also needed regular doses of him. [How is wish that were true, although i now have no feelings for him whatsoever.]
After having one of my company, I was meeting over coffee, tell me, that Grumptur was a few seats away in the same café, I didn’t feel any need. I, usually having the man I dreamt about and had undying love for, sit at an accessable radius, would have done whatever it would take to get his attention and put across some sort of a message for him to think and react. In my lesser active days, I would have taken a very approachable step and presented myself like a calm and composed person with self assertion that can intimidate even the actual humans of such nature.
But this day, though it was quite an active day for me, I didn’t feel any such need. No jittery feelings, no legs feel like jelly, no weird stomach attention seeking tactics none, weirdly grumptur mattered as much to me as a passerby or a feminist movement to Paris Hilton.
And that leaves me in an awkward state. I have no grumptur to think about and obsess. I haven’t in the recent past. I have no feelings for him now. I don’t wake up in the middle of the night and think about who I can talk to, to get over my miserable state of hopelessness, I don’t make up stories about him or his life that I found highly amusing. I think I am just jaded to him now.
Still, I can’t say for a fact I don’t draw inspiration from him because I am still writing this piece, just with a different simmilarity.
